Ahesha's Birth Story

Telling your story is a very powerful thing. It helps to heal or empower the story teller and empower other mothers at the same time. Here is Ahesha's story from her blog Confused New Mom about how her beautiful daughter Abigail came into the world :)

On Wednesday, August 6, 2014, just before 3:00 am I started having noticeable contractions. They ranged from five minutes to twenty minutes apart over the span of two hours. Thankfully, I was able to fall asleep. The rest of the day was pretty normal. At 1:17 am the next morning, the contractions got going again. This time, things got started and they just continued. After about two hours, my husband Alex joined me in the timing of things. We realized this was “it”. We texted my doula, Kitty, to let her know about the contractions, and decided to see how things progressed. I slept off and on until the sun came up. 

Ahesha & her sweet new family of 3

The next few hours were a bit of a blur. We still hadn't reached the “every five minutes, lasting one minute, over the span of one hour” contraction landmark, so I just tried to take my mind off of things and continue with my morning. We had breakfast, watched movies and did laundry.

I was unsure as to when to tell my doula to come over. I did not want her to come too soon and spend half the day just watching me handle the contractions. I didn't want to wait too late either. In the end, I think we called her at a good time. Around 1 pm, she arrived at our house and with some helpful laboring positions helped me manage some of those contractions. A couple hours later, we decided it was time to head to Rosemary Birthing Home. Don’t ask me how I knew it was getting close, I just felt it. We arrived there just after 3pm.

When we got to Rosemary, my midwife, Jessica, and birthing assistant, Rose, were already prepared for our arrival. Up to this point, everyone just kept saying how I had done “everything right” and had a great chance of having a brief and/or easy labor and delivery. I know labor and birth are unpredictable, but I appreciated all of the well wishes and positive thoughts. I was seriously, honestly envisioning a peaceful, orgasmic hypnobirth where my baby would be born en caul. I watched a ton of YouTube videos and listened to hypnobirth recordings almost daily. I must say those recordings resulted in some of the best, most relaxing sleep I've ever had. I figured if I could get close to what I had in mind, I’d be AOK.

At my first vaginal check, I was 5 centimeters. I remember thinking, “Great, halfway there and I have manage this pain so far!” I stayed at 5 centimeters for a few hours, changing positions, taking a shower, breathing and relaxing in the birthing tub, with my husband. When I made it to 8 centimeters, I started thinking of a quote I read in Ina May Gaskin’s book. Suzy Jenkins Viavant said, “Then I realized I had to keep my attention on staying open, from my mind all the way down to my cervix, so that I would be like a hollow tunnel for the energy of life to pass through.” I was so grateful that Kitty suggested I read it. I just kept thinking about that and a few other positive things as often as possible. At 9.5 centimeters, I was in heaven! Well, not literally. I was in a boatload of pain, BUT the end was definitely in sight. The clock read 8 something. I remember thinking, “She could be here by 10:30. 10:30 would be awesome!” My only issue up to this point was the fact that I couldn't empty my bladder. I tried so many times and simply could not go and felt it bulging against my skin. Finally, I begged to have a catheter inserted just to get it emptied. Jessica obliged. Afterwards, I felt better. So, I forged ahead, unaware of exactly when our princess was coming but feeling like it would be soon.

It was almost midnight and I was still having outrageous contraction, still at 9.5 centimeters, and my bladder was bulging again. Catheter, STAT! Sweet relief. I asked to be checked again. At this point, Jessica noticed that I had a cervical lip. A cervical lip can happen when a part of the cervix is still present but only on one side. It can be caused when pressure from the baby is uneven. Looking back on everything that happened next, that made complete sense, along with the fact that she was balled up in one corner for most of the pregnancy.

Jessica suggested we try a few other positions. I tried everything she suggested. The side lying position was by far the most uncomfortable at this point. Normally it wasn't too bad, but with the contractions happening constantly, one right on top of the other with little break in between and the baby trying to be born, it was excruciating. Next I sat backwards on the toilet, and then walked up and down steps. After a half-dozen failed attempts to get things in order, my amazing midwife asked if she could break my water and move my cervix manually. Out went my hopes of an en caul birth, but at this point, I would have done almost anything to get the baby out. In the midst of everything going on, I became very present to what had just happened. I felt so protected. I was pleased that Jessica tried so many other things before recommending something invasive. Determined to get this baby OUT by almost any means necessary, I approved. Hurdle #2 tackled and conquered, and it wasn't that bad at all.

With my husband by my side, I got back in the tub and continued on, but not before moaning, wailing, blowing raspberries and calling of the mercy of God to get my baby here. Oh, the journey from 9.5-10 centimeters! My brain was all over the place, and so was my body, in every position I could think of. I was in an incredible amount of pain and discomfort. I still don’t know how I braved it. In fact, I don’t even know if “braved” would be the word. I contemplated (and verbalized, a few times) how I simply could not take it anymore. Despite all of the wonderful words of encouragement from my husband, my midwife and my doula, there was a point during this time where I felt completely defeated. I felt like I had done all I could do. I knew going to a hospital at this point was not an option because I probably would have experienced more time waiting and more discomfort from moving than what it would take to continue on the path I chose (although I had no idea how much longer I would be laboring). There was a moment that lasted longer than I would have wanted when I boldly declared that I had enough and didn’t know how much more I could stand. Immediately after those words left my lips, I felt so defeated and discouraged. I was so disappointed in myself. I happen to have a high threshold for pain, so that says a lot. I was upset with myself for feeling that way, and even more upset that I allowed those thoughts and feelings to pass my lips. It was then that I said I quick prayer. I decided to surrender to the process. I said, “Lord. I have done ALL I can do. I've taken this thing as far as I can on my own. If you intend for me to bring this baby into the world and live to tell about it, this is where I need you to step in.”

For a few moments, I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t notice anything special happening. In fact, I remember saying to my birthing team, “I’ve been in the same place for HOURS! Why won’t this baby come?” I started talking to her, calling her name, telling her that mommy was ready for her to come and that I needed her help. I told her to come to mommy. Still, time crept on and there was no baby yet. I was in the tub, out of the tub, back in the tub. Talk about exhausted. At some point, Alex was told by Jessica to take a nap. Normally, I would have been furious at the thought of him sleeping while I was going through this. However, the midwives and doulas know what they are doing. When they tell your husband to lie down, he’d better lie down. Thinking back on everything that happened next, I’m so glad one of us was well rested.

FINALLY, around 2:30 am, I felt an urge to push while in the tub! I was so happy that the end felt close…again. I gave it all I had and pushed harder than I ever thought I could. Nothing! Well, I won’t say “nothing”. I felt her move down, but her head did not come out. I was totally expecting her head to come out. I could feel her hair, though, so I decided I’d take that as a small victory (as if I had some other choice, right?). I gave it a total of about 5 or 6 pushes with my husband Alex behind me, Kitty holding one leg and Rose holding the other. After those pushes, her head was only out to the eyebrows!

My heart completely sank. Cue hurdle #3. A little before 4 am, Jessica told me she was going in one more time to see what was happening. Lo and behold, my little angel was in there with her hand on her face and her cord wrapped around them both. Once we got the baby home, I noticed that in one of her early ultrasound photos, she had that same little arm up in the air, near her head. Go figure.

Jessica said she was going to slip the cord around her head and that I was to push again, very hard, to get her head all the way out. All I could think about was how grateful I was that her hand was there! If it had not been, the cord could have been wrapped directly around her neck! Wait, I lied. That was the first thing I thought about, the second thing was her shoulders. I was very aware that after her head, I still had to push out shoulders and the rest of the baby. Just then, another contraction hit and it was go time! I took a deep breath, determined to give it all I had. With Jessica working on the cord and me pushing like a tiny, precious little life truly did depend on it, my baby’s entire body came rushing out!

What an experience! I still get chills thinking and talking about it. When I shared my birthing story with my mom, she made a statement that I can’t get out of my head. As a woman who has had two cesareans and two vaginal births, she said with confidence, “You know, if you had gone to a hospital, they would have forced you to have a C-Section.” I hadn't

 thought about it until then, but she was right. I would not have been able to labor for 27 hours. I would not have been able to give birth in a tub, with my husband behind me. I would have had an entirely different experience, complete with needles and drugs. Despite all of the hurdles and all of the pain, I am so grateful for the way things turned out. My husband’s support was amazing. My doula, Kitty, was on the ball, encouraging me every step of the way. My midwife, Jessica, was a rock star. She met every obstacle with knowledge and experience. They were all an integral part of the puzzle and I will never forget how powerful the experience was for me. And that moment when I broke down and was ready to throw in the towel…that moment reminded me that I am human and it’s okay to acknowledge my moments of weakness. It forced me to rely on a higher power and the people around me. It reminded me that even during birth, I need others, and that is absolutely okay. My baby girl, Abigail Samantha is here, and she is healthy and beautiful. 27 hours of drug-free labor didn't kill me. It only made me stronger. I was known to have said many times that I wasn't sure I wanted to have children. Truthfully, that was always my fear talking. I knew I would have to face my thoughts and feelings about my own childhood. As I got older, I gained a deeper understanding of what a blessing it is to be chosen to bring life into the world. I no longer take it lightly. I am so blessed and grateful for my perfect little miracle. I welcome this journey and all that comes with it. I conquered two fears at once and truly feel like I can do just about anything!