Last week I received an email from my retired nursling's teacher stating that she was selected for citizen of the month because out of all the students in her class she displayed the Value of the Month: Cooperation. I was surprised! My daughter cooperates? I replied asking for the day and time of the awards and I promptly email our family to let them know just in case they wanted to go.
Well today was the day! We were so proud. She woke up before me (and the sun), picked out her own clothes, ate breakfast, brushed her teeth, got dressed all with out me having to say a word!
The ceremony wasn't until 9 but her school starts at 8, so I dropped her off then ran her little sister the sitter's. I didn't tell her but her Papa (grandfather) was going to be there as well and he was waiting at the school while I dropped off her sister.
My daughter goes to a christian faith preschool so the ceremony was held during chapel (mass). We sang songs and prayed for our day and our friends and family and then the principle came forward to give her announcements. She started by explaining what a "bucket filler" was and its pretty much someone does nice things for other people. Very sweet concept to have inside of a school. Then she started to read why each child was selected and cue the tears (for me anyways):
"I received a phone call one day from Mrs (teacher name) stating that she had someone in her class that she wanted recognized today. For those of you who do not know Mrs (teacher name) teachers the pre-kindergartners. She told me that there was a student having a particular rough time understanding the concept of losing a game. This student was in tears and could not understand why he could not win every time. Another student came over and told the child who was sad with disappointment that "its okay we can always play again next time. You can do better next time. Its okay you do not have to cry its just a game and you tried and that's the best part" This student rubbed his back and sat with him until he was feeling better. This whole process took about 10 minutes but Mrs (teacher name) felt that the was a good way to fill a bucket. The words were kind and gentle and it make her classmate feel better and when she was done she helped the other kids pick up their centers. Today it is my honor to give RN this award of citizen of the month"
I teared up I think that her Papa teared up too although he would never admit it. I know she is good kid and we try to be a good example of how to act and treat people. Some days I honestly think I have failed my children and myself in this whole gentle parenting journey but today was complete affirmation to keep going because even on the bad days she's getting it and I am getting it and we are getting it together :)
Birth, Breastfeeding, Child Rearing and all of the in between!
Wednesday, September 24, 2014
Ahesha's Birth Story
Telling your story is a very powerful thing. It helps to heal or empower the story teller and empower other mothers at the same time. Here is Ahesha's story from her blog Confused New Mom about how her beautiful daughter Abigail came into the world :)
On Wednesday, August 6, 2014, just before 3:00 am I started having noticeable contractions. They ranged from five minutes to twenty minutes apart over the span of two hours. Thankfully, I was able to fall asleep. The rest of the day was pretty normal. At 1:17 am the next morning, the contractions got going again. This time, things got started and they just continued. After about two hours, my husband Alex joined me in the timing of things. We realized this was “it”. We texted my doula, Kitty, to let her know about the contractions, and decided to see how things progressed. I slept off and on until the sun came up.
The next few hours were a bit of a blur. We still hadn't reached the “every five minutes, lasting one minute, over the span of one hour” contraction landmark, so I just tried to take my mind off of things and continue with my morning. We had breakfast, watched movies and did laundry.
I was unsure as to when to tell my doula to come over. I did not want her to come too soon and spend half the day just watching me handle the contractions. I didn't want to wait too late either. In the end, I think we called her at a good time. Around 1 pm, she arrived at our house and with some helpful laboring positions helped me manage some of those contractions. A couple hours later, we decided it was time to head to Rosemary Birthing Home. Don’t ask me how I knew it was getting close, I just felt it. We arrived there just after 3pm.
When we got to Rosemary, my midwife, Jessica, and birthing assistant, Rose, were already prepared for our arrival. Up to this point, everyone just kept saying how I had done “everything right” and had a great chance of having a brief and/or easy labor and delivery. I know labor and birth are unpredictable, but I appreciated all of the well wishes and positive thoughts. I was seriously, honestly envisioning a peaceful, orgasmic hypnobirth where my baby would be born en caul. I watched a ton of YouTube videos and listened to hypnobirth recordings almost daily. I must say those recordings resulted in some of the best, most relaxing sleep I've ever had. I figured if I could get close to what I had in mind, I’d be AOK.
At my first vaginal check, I was 5 centimeters. I remember thinking, “Great, halfway there and I have manage this pain so far!” I stayed at 5 centimeters for a few hours, changing positions, taking a shower, breathing and relaxing in the birthing tub, with my husband. When I made it to 8 centimeters, I started thinking of a quote I read in Ina May Gaskin’s book. Suzy Jenkins Viavant said, “Then I realized I had to keep my attention on staying open, from my mind all the way down to my cervix, so that I would be like a hollow tunnel for the energy of life to pass through.” I was so grateful that Kitty suggested I read it. I just kept thinking about that and a few other positive things as often as possible. At 9.5 centimeters, I was in heaven! Well, not literally. I was in a boatload of pain, BUT the end was definitely in sight. The clock read 8 something. I remember thinking, “She could be here by 10:30. 10:30 would be awesome!” My only issue up to this point was the fact that I couldn't empty my bladder. I tried so many times and simply could not go and felt it bulging against my skin. Finally, I begged to have a catheter inserted just to get it emptied. Jessica obliged. Afterwards, I felt better. So, I forged ahead, unaware of exactly when our princess was coming but feeling like it would be soon.
It was almost midnight and I was still having outrageous contraction, still at 9.5 centimeters, and my bladder was bulging again. Catheter, STAT! Sweet relief. I asked to be checked again. At this point, Jessica noticed that I had a cervical lip. A cervical lip can happen when a part of the cervix is still present but only on one side. It can be caused when pressure from the baby is uneven. Looking back on everything that happened next, that made complete sense, along with the fact that she was balled up in one corner for most of the pregnancy.
Jessica suggested we try a few other positions. I tried everything she suggested. The side lying position was by far the most uncomfortable at this point. Normally it wasn't too bad, but with the contractions happening constantly, one right on top of the other with little break in between and the baby trying to be born, it was excruciating. Next I sat backwards on the toilet, and then walked up and down steps. After a half-dozen failed attempts to get things in order, my amazing midwife asked if she could break my water and move my cervix manually. Out went my hopes of an en caul birth, but at this point, I would have done almost anything to get the baby out. In the midst of everything going on, I became very present to what had just happened. I felt so protected. I was pleased that Jessica tried so many other things before recommending something invasive. Determined to get this baby OUT by almost any means necessary, I approved. Hurdle #2 tackled and conquered, and it wasn't that bad at all.
With my husband by my side, I got back in the tub and continued on, but not before moaning, wailing, blowing raspberries and calling of the mercy of God to get my baby here. Oh, the journey from 9.5-10 centimeters! My brain was all over the place, and so was my body, in every position I could think of. I was in an incredible amount of pain and discomfort. I still don’t know how I braved it. In fact, I don’t even know if “braved” would be the word. I contemplated (and verbalized, a few times) how I simply could not take it anymore. Despite all of the wonderful words of encouragement from my husband, my midwife and my doula, there was a point during this time where I felt completely defeated. I felt like I had done all I could do. I knew going to a hospital at this point was not an option because I probably would have experienced more time waiting and more discomfort from moving than what it would take to continue on the path I chose (although I had no idea how much longer I would be laboring). There was a moment that lasted longer than I would have wanted when I boldly declared that I had enough and didn’t know how much more I could stand. Immediately after those words left my lips, I felt so defeated and discouraged. I was so disappointed in myself. I happen to have a high threshold for pain, so that says a lot. I was upset with myself for feeling that way, and even more upset that I allowed those thoughts and feelings to pass my lips. It was then that I said I quick prayer. I decided to surrender to the process. I said, “Lord. I have done ALL I can do. I've taken this thing as far as I can on my own. If you intend for me to bring this baby into the world and live to tell about it, this is where I need you to step in.”
For a few moments, I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t notice anything special happening. In fact, I remember saying to my birthing team, “I’ve been in the same place for HOURS! Why won’t this baby come?” I started talking to her, calling her name, telling her that mommy was ready for her to come and that I needed her help. I told her to come to mommy. Still, time crept on and there was no baby yet. I was in the tub, out of the tub, back in the tub. Talk about exhausted. At some point, Alex was told by Jessica to take a nap. Normally, I would have been furious at the thought of him sleeping while I was going through this. However, the midwives and doulas know what they are doing. When they tell your husband to lie down, he’d better lie down. Thinking back on everything that happened next, I’m so glad one of us was well rested.
FINALLY, around 2:30 am, I felt an urge to push while in the tub! I was so happy that the end felt close…again. I gave it all I had and pushed harder than I ever thought I could. Nothing! Well, I won’t say “nothing”. I felt her move down, but her head did not come out. I was totally expecting her head to come out. I could feel her hair, though, so I decided I’d take that as a small victory (as if I had some other choice, right?). I gave it a total of about 5 or 6 pushes with my husband Alex behind me, Kitty holding one leg and Rose holding the other. After those pushes, her head was only out to the eyebrows!
My heart completely sank. Cue hurdle #3. A little before 4 am, Jessica told me she was going in one more time to see what was happening. Lo and behold, my little angel was in there with her hand on her face and her cord wrapped around them both. Once we got the baby home, I noticed that in one of her early ultrasound photos, she had that same little arm up in the air, near her head. Go figure.
Jessica said she was going to slip the cord around her head and that I was to push again, very hard, to get her head all the way out. All I could think about was how grateful I was that her hand was there! If it had not been, the cord could have been wrapped directly around her neck! Wait, I lied. That was the first thing I thought about, the second thing was her shoulders. I was very aware that after her head, I still had to push out shoulders and the rest of the baby. Just then, another contraction hit and it was go time! I took a deep breath, determined to give it all I had. With Jessica working on the cord and me pushing like a tiny, precious little life truly did depend on it, my baby’s entire body came rushing out!
What an experience! I still get chills thinking and talking about it. When I shared my birthing story with my mom, she made a statement that I can’t get out of my head. As a woman who has had two cesareans and two vaginal births, she said with confidence, “You know, if you had gone to a hospital, they would have forced you to have a C-Section.” I hadn't
thought about it until then, but she was right. I would not have been able to labor for 27 hours. I would not have been able to give birth in a tub, with my husband behind me. I would have had an entirely different experience, complete with needles and drugs. Despite all of the hurdles and all of the pain, I am so grateful for the way things turned out. My husband’s support was amazing. My doula, Kitty, was on the ball, encouraging me every step of the way. My midwife, Jessica, was a rock star. She met every obstacle with knowledge and experience. They were all an integral part of the puzzle and I will never forget how powerful the experience was for me. And that moment when I broke down and was ready to throw in the towel…that moment reminded me that I am human and it’s okay to acknowledge my moments of weakness. It forced me to rely on a higher power and the people around me. It reminded me that even during birth, I need others, and that is absolutely okay. My baby girl, Abigail Samantha is here, and she is healthy and beautiful. 27 hours of drug-free labor didn't kill me. It only made me stronger. I was known to have said many times that I wasn't sure I wanted to have children. Truthfully, that was always my fear talking. I knew I would have to face my thoughts and feelings about my own childhood. As I got older, I gained a deeper understanding of what a blessing it is to be chosen to bring life into the world. I no longer take it lightly. I am so blessed and grateful for my perfect little miracle. I welcome this journey and all that comes with it. I conquered two fears at once and truly feel like I can do just about anything!
On Wednesday, August 6, 2014, just before 3:00 am I started having noticeable contractions. They ranged from five minutes to twenty minutes apart over the span of two hours. Thankfully, I was able to fall asleep. The rest of the day was pretty normal. At 1:17 am the next morning, the contractions got going again. This time, things got started and they just continued. After about two hours, my husband Alex joined me in the timing of things. We realized this was “it”. We texted my doula, Kitty, to let her know about the contractions, and decided to see how things progressed. I slept off and on until the sun came up.
 |
| Ahesha & her sweet new family of 3 |
I was unsure as to when to tell my doula to come over. I did not want her to come too soon and spend half the day just watching me handle the contractions. I didn't want to wait too late either. In the end, I think we called her at a good time. Around 1 pm, she arrived at our house and with some helpful laboring positions helped me manage some of those contractions. A couple hours later, we decided it was time to head to Rosemary Birthing Home. Don’t ask me how I knew it was getting close, I just felt it. We arrived there just after 3pm.
When we got to Rosemary, my midwife, Jessica, and birthing assistant, Rose, were already prepared for our arrival. Up to this point, everyone just kept saying how I had done “everything right” and had a great chance of having a brief and/or easy labor and delivery. I know labor and birth are unpredictable, but I appreciated all of the well wishes and positive thoughts. I was seriously, honestly envisioning a peaceful, orgasmic hypnobirth where my baby would be born en caul. I watched a ton of YouTube videos and listened to hypnobirth recordings almost daily. I must say those recordings resulted in some of the best, most relaxing sleep I've ever had. I figured if I could get close to what I had in mind, I’d be AOK.
At my first vaginal check, I was 5 centimeters. I remember thinking, “Great, halfway there and I have manage this pain so far!” I stayed at 5 centimeters for a few hours, changing positions, taking a shower, breathing and relaxing in the birthing tub, with my husband. When I made it to 8 centimeters, I started thinking of a quote I read in Ina May Gaskin’s book. Suzy Jenkins Viavant said, “Then I realized I had to keep my attention on staying open, from my mind all the way down to my cervix, so that I would be like a hollow tunnel for the energy of life to pass through.” I was so grateful that Kitty suggested I read it. I just kept thinking about that and a few other positive things as often as possible. At 9.5 centimeters, I was in heaven! Well, not literally. I was in a boatload of pain, BUT the end was definitely in sight. The clock read 8 something. I remember thinking, “She could be here by 10:30. 10:30 would be awesome!” My only issue up to this point was the fact that I couldn't empty my bladder. I tried so many times and simply could not go and felt it bulging against my skin. Finally, I begged to have a catheter inserted just to get it emptied. Jessica obliged. Afterwards, I felt better. So, I forged ahead, unaware of exactly when our princess was coming but feeling like it would be soon.
It was almost midnight and I was still having outrageous contraction, still at 9.5 centimeters, and my bladder was bulging again. Catheter, STAT! Sweet relief. I asked to be checked again. At this point, Jessica noticed that I had a cervical lip. A cervical lip can happen when a part of the cervix is still present but only on one side. It can be caused when pressure from the baby is uneven. Looking back on everything that happened next, that made complete sense, along with the fact that she was balled up in one corner for most of the pregnancy.
Jessica suggested we try a few other positions. I tried everything she suggested. The side lying position was by far the most uncomfortable at this point. Normally it wasn't too bad, but with the contractions happening constantly, one right on top of the other with little break in between and the baby trying to be born, it was excruciating. Next I sat backwards on the toilet, and then walked up and down steps. After a half-dozen failed attempts to get things in order, my amazing midwife asked if she could break my water and move my cervix manually. Out went my hopes of an en caul birth, but at this point, I would have done almost anything to get the baby out. In the midst of everything going on, I became very present to what had just happened. I felt so protected. I was pleased that Jessica tried so many other things before recommending something invasive. Determined to get this baby OUT by almost any means necessary, I approved. Hurdle #2 tackled and conquered, and it wasn't that bad at all.
With my husband by my side, I got back in the tub and continued on, but not before moaning, wailing, blowing raspberries and calling of the mercy of God to get my baby here. Oh, the journey from 9.5-10 centimeters! My brain was all over the place, and so was my body, in every position I could think of. I was in an incredible amount of pain and discomfort. I still don’t know how I braved it. In fact, I don’t even know if “braved” would be the word. I contemplated (and verbalized, a few times) how I simply could not take it anymore. Despite all of the wonderful words of encouragement from my husband, my midwife and my doula, there was a point during this time where I felt completely defeated. I felt like I had done all I could do. I knew going to a hospital at this point was not an option because I probably would have experienced more time waiting and more discomfort from moving than what it would take to continue on the path I chose (although I had no idea how much longer I would be laboring). There was a moment that lasted longer than I would have wanted when I boldly declared that I had enough and didn’t know how much more I could stand. Immediately after those words left my lips, I felt so defeated and discouraged. I was so disappointed in myself. I happen to have a high threshold for pain, so that says a lot. I was upset with myself for feeling that way, and even more upset that I allowed those thoughts and feelings to pass my lips. It was then that I said I quick prayer. I decided to surrender to the process. I said, “Lord. I have done ALL I can do. I've taken this thing as far as I can on my own. If you intend for me to bring this baby into the world and live to tell about it, this is where I need you to step in.”
For a few moments, I didn’t feel any different. I didn’t notice anything special happening. In fact, I remember saying to my birthing team, “I’ve been in the same place for HOURS! Why won’t this baby come?” I started talking to her, calling her name, telling her that mommy was ready for her to come and that I needed her help. I told her to come to mommy. Still, time crept on and there was no baby yet. I was in the tub, out of the tub, back in the tub. Talk about exhausted. At some point, Alex was told by Jessica to take a nap. Normally, I would have been furious at the thought of him sleeping while I was going through this. However, the midwives and doulas know what they are doing. When they tell your husband to lie down, he’d better lie down. Thinking back on everything that happened next, I’m so glad one of us was well rested.
FINALLY, around 2:30 am, I felt an urge to push while in the tub! I was so happy that the end felt close…again. I gave it all I had and pushed harder than I ever thought I could. Nothing! Well, I won’t say “nothing”. I felt her move down, but her head did not come out. I was totally expecting her head to come out. I could feel her hair, though, so I decided I’d take that as a small victory (as if I had some other choice, right?). I gave it a total of about 5 or 6 pushes with my husband Alex behind me, Kitty holding one leg and Rose holding the other. After those pushes, her head was only out to the eyebrows!
My heart completely sank. Cue hurdle #3. A little before 4 am, Jessica told me she was going in one more time to see what was happening. Lo and behold, my little angel was in there with her hand on her face and her cord wrapped around them both. Once we got the baby home, I noticed that in one of her early ultrasound photos, she had that same little arm up in the air, near her head. Go figure.
Jessica said she was going to slip the cord around her head and that I was to push again, very hard, to get her head all the way out. All I could think about was how grateful I was that her hand was there! If it had not been, the cord could have been wrapped directly around her neck! Wait, I lied. That was the first thing I thought about, the second thing was her shoulders. I was very aware that after her head, I still had to push out shoulders and the rest of the baby. Just then, another contraction hit and it was go time! I took a deep breath, determined to give it all I had. With Jessica working on the cord and me pushing like a tiny, precious little life truly did depend on it, my baby’s entire body came rushing out!
What an experience! I still get chills thinking and talking about it. When I shared my birthing story with my mom, she made a statement that I can’t get out of my head. As a woman who has had two cesareans and two vaginal births, she said with confidence, “You know, if you had gone to a hospital, they would have forced you to have a C-Section.” I hadn't
Friday, September 19, 2014
US Moms Think Public Breastfeeding is Perfectly Natural
Lansinoh-- A company that makes an assortment of breastfeeding products commissioned a survey which the results showed that US mothers think that public breastfeeding is natural. We already knew this because breastfeeding IS the natural way to feed a baby and SHOULD be done anywhere the mother darn well pleases BUT its always good to have information to back you up ;)
So lets look at the survey!
Lansinoh looked at 13,000 mothers from 9 (China, Brazil, France, Mexico, the United Kingdom and the United States) different countries, 2,045 of which were from the United States.
From the surveys given to the mothers in the United States:
93% believe that "Breast is Best"
64% said they would feel guilty if they did not breastfeed
57% think that breastfeeding in public is natural only 3% think its wrong
the most challenging places to breastfeed are the car, the grocery store, and the bathroom.
Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, and Kate Middleton are the three celebrities that US moms most identify with. 1 in 3 moms said that they would feel more comfortable breastfeeding if they saw more celebrities breastfeeding.
While this survey is promising, I am a bit concerned because mothers should not feel guilty if they choose not to breastfeed that is their choice like with all things but they should know that there has been tons of studies done to show the risk of formula feeding....with all choices there are risk and benefits and we should not shame mothers for their decisions here.
It breaks my heart that these mothers are still being shamed to the restroom to nurse their babies. Stop it people its gross in there! No one eats in the bathroom and neither should babies.
my last point: as much as I hate to see "well X Celebrity breastfed so I am too!" I can not get away that they are highly influential and most anything do gets replicated as the new "style". I hate that they are making a natural process a "fad" but whatever... whatever gets the babies to the breasts. I do wish that there were more women of color who held such high positions that breastfeed and if they do I do wish they were more public about it.
I challenge every mother not just the breastfeeding kind that when they see a breastfeeding mom in public give her a thumbs up, high five, or at least a smile. That tiny bit of encouragement can go a long way.
Click here and here to read more about the survey.
So lets look at the survey!
Lansinoh looked at 13,000 mothers from 9 (China, Brazil, France, Mexico, the United Kingdom and the United States) different countries, 2,045 of which were from the United States.
From the surveys given to the mothers in the United States:93% believe that "Breast is Best"
64% said they would feel guilty if they did not breastfeed
57% think that breastfeeding in public is natural only 3% think its wrong
the most challenging places to breastfeed are the car, the grocery store, and the bathroom.
Jennifer Garner, Jessica Alba, and Kate Middleton are the three celebrities that US moms most identify with. 1 in 3 moms said that they would feel more comfortable breastfeeding if they saw more celebrities breastfeeding.
While this survey is promising, I am a bit concerned because mothers should not feel guilty if they choose not to breastfeed that is their choice like with all things but they should know that there has been tons of studies done to show the risk of formula feeding....with all choices there are risk and benefits and we should not shame mothers for their decisions here.
It breaks my heart that these mothers are still being shamed to the restroom to nurse their babies. Stop it people its gross in there! No one eats in the bathroom and neither should babies.
my last point: as much as I hate to see "well X Celebrity breastfed so I am too!" I can not get away that they are highly influential and most anything do gets replicated as the new "style". I hate that they are making a natural process a "fad" but whatever... whatever gets the babies to the breasts. I do wish that there were more women of color who held such high positions that breastfeed and if they do I do wish they were more public about it.
I challenge every mother not just the breastfeeding kind that when they see a breastfeeding mom in public give her a thumbs up, high five, or at least a smile. That tiny bit of encouragement can go a long way.
Click here and here to read more about the survey.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
Ancestral Parenting Product Review
I recently listened to an audio book on ancestral parenting. Here is my review!
About the Product:
Ancestral Parenting (instinctual parenting or attachment parenting) is parenting the way nature intended humans to parent instead of parenting according to what the particular society you live within tells you how to parent. This method of parenting practices keeping baby close and responding to baby's needs when the demand is there, giving baby the most natural start at life by having a medical free vaginal birth and breastfeeding, practicing elimination communication, and baby wearing. This may not be the most realistic form of parenting in today's societies BUT it is the natural way and it is what the baby expects once it enters the world. This website has an audio book to download and comes with very informative printed information that goes a little deeper into how to accomplish the different practices that come along with ancestral parenting.
What I Like About the Product:
I will first say that I love that this comes on an audio book. For a very busy "attached" mama like myself I do not always have the time to sit down and crack open a book (although I long for those days again). It was nice to be cooking dinner and this playing on the iPad or through the phone on the way to work. I also like that this speaks to mothers of color.It encourages them to look back to their roots and "reclaim" them. Often times in our society we are told to parent against what we think is right and just do things because our friends, family, and society approves. This sometimes comes to the detriment of the baby.
Now that it has become more popular to be more natural this audio book speaks to the new mama that is looking to be more natural in her approach to parenting and childbirth and it even goes into some detail about natural healing and the use of natural remedies and essential oils for alternate medical care.
Waymatea's voice is very calm and serene as she reads through the chapters. I find that her voice put in a mental state to want to learn and also when chaos was ensuing around me, her gentle voice actually providing some calm. No bellowing or loud speaking just calm. Her voice keeps with the theme of the book. Calm and connected.
I like how the book explains the author's journey into ancestral parenting. It reminded me of how I stumbled upon this information during my initial parenting journey. I had no idea it had a name I was simply doing what felt right! It was nice to hear someone else as shocked as I was and experienced that same "ah ha!" moment.
What I Did Not Like About the Product:
The book to me seemed like an intro into something deeper with all the topics that were discussed. I was actually looking forward to learn more about each topic in hopes to hear some things that I didn't already know but felt it fell short with that expectation. Maybe perhaps a series of audio books to go along with this that talks in lengths about each practice. As I mentioned earlier, to the new mama that is looking to see what this is all about this is great but I would have liked to see more detail, more depth, more guidance to the practices. I would have also liked to see more examples demonstrated from the different cultures on each practice. There were some examples given but I would have liked to see more mamas of color represented.
I would have liked to see better resources for the information. I heard a quote from Wikipedia, for example, which is not a credible website. To me I knew the information and have done some research myself so I knew the statement to be true but good resources makes the information more credible.
Overall:
Overall I enjoyed the book and would definitely recommend this book to my readers and new mamas who are looking to get back to their roots and parent in a more natural way. I think this book is a great way to lay down the foundation to further knowledge of ancestral parenting and empower them to stand firm in their decision. The download was quick and easy and the attached information was easy to read. I am looking forwarding to seeing more from the author and I appreciate her for giving me the opportunity to be involved with this project. :)
Author: Waymatea Ellis of Waymatea Centre for Wellness
website: www.ancestralparenting.com
the audio book is available for download via the website!
Friday, September 5, 2014
"Today was a bad day mama but tomorrow is a new day"
Have you ever woke up in the morning and just had a "feeling" that everything was going to go wrong? Well if not I envy you. I have had that feeling several times and yesterday that familiar feeling returned. I have to wake up early because I have to get my girls to sitter and school which is on the opposite side of town and then drive 45 minutes out of my way in the other direction because job likes to waste my gas and not pay me for it. So as usual my phone alarm goes off at 5:15 am and I wake up and stretch grab my phone to shut it off and of course check Facebook :) When I tried to get up I realized I was still "attached" to the baby so now I have to somehow encourage her to come off BUT stay asleep for at least 15 minutes so that I could shower quick. Needless to say because this day was predestined to go bad my plan did not work well at all. She stayed "attached" until 545am. I need to be out of the shower at this time so that I can wake my Retired Nursling (RN) up so she can go down and have breakfast while I get Baby Nursling (BN) dressed.
I jumped into the shower very quickly. So quickly it was still warming up while I was lathering up (the worst!). I jump out, wrap the towel around me, and went back into the bedroom to wake up RN. She of course starts to whine and fuss. I encourage her to get up and go potty then go downstairs so I can make her breakfast. Once that task was done I run up to throw clothes on myself and then to wake up BN. Now about a few weeks before BN decided she wanted to start potty learning but I have not had a weekend to sit and dedicate to her newest milestone so when we are at home we let her go with out bottoms and she tells us when she needs to poop and pee. We also sit her on the pot as soon as she wakes up and before she goes to sleep at night. This morning nothing different I woke her up took her pants and diaper off asked her if she wanted to "put pees in the toilet" she smiled and said "yesh" and away we went. I sat her on the pot and instantly she peed. She smiled so big she is always so proud of herself and I am so proud of her. She is a smart cookie. I asked her via sign language if she is "all done" and she says "yesh". I go to grab her and she grabs the toilet seat for dear life and refuses to get up. I asked her again if she was done (including words with the sign) and she said "yesh". I go to grab her... same thing! I'm frustrated because we are completely behind schedule so I back off, I push her stool under her feet in case she feels she's actually done when before I come back and I travel down to check on RN.
She is eating cereal, doing an activity on the iPad, and humming a song. I ask her how she is if she needed anything else. She replies "no" with out looking up. I give her the countdown to be done and head back up the stairs. BN is still on the pot kicking her feet talking to the dog who looks just as frustrated with her being on the pot still as I am. "Okay ma'am you have to be done. We have to get dressed. You can not sit here all day. You're going to get hemorrhoids." I reach to grab her this time I make sure I get her hands before she can latch on to the toilet then I pick her up kicking and screaming and hitting and maybe an attempt to bite. In the most calm voice I can muster "Please calm down I understand you're upset but you must get dressed we have to go mommy has to work". while wrestling with BN I yell down to RN to be done put away her dishes and come upstairs to get dressed. No response, of course. I pick up BN (who has calmed down by now) and travel down the stairs to see RN took 2 bites of cereal and ate no fruit just sitting down tending to her game. "You need to come upstairs and get dressed now!" "But I am not done..." "I understand but you had 30 minutes and all you did was mess around we need to go now" (insert tears here). I wish I could give her more time to eat but we just do not have that kind of time in the AM.
So, of course I have to sit down BN to help get RN dressed (insert tantrum here). Now I have two malfunctioning kids. By now I can feel me getting to my meltdown threshold. I try to breathe through it with out saying any words but I am still getting frustrated. We are late.... we are crying because we cant sit on toilets until our butts fall off and because we chose to play instead of it.....**sigh**
we move on to the bathroom where as in my head all hell breaks loose. RN has stopped whining and goes to brush her teeth. BN is happy as long as she is on my hip. I sit her on the counter top allow her to nurse while I brush my teeth and make sure RN does a good job at brushing her teeth. Once RN is down I tell her to sit on the toilet so I can fix her hair for school "Can I have my hair like Frozen? Like the braid?" "I do not know how to do that and I do not have time to look up how to do it and practice it. I just can not do that right now" (insert whine) "I am sorry honey I just can not right now". I place BN on the floor " Can you stand here really quickly while I get sister's hair together?" Nope (insert meltdown here) I try to pick her up and she does that thing that all toddlers know how to do when they become dead weight and just melt between your arms so they are hard to hold on to no matter how hard you try. I place her back on the floor and she melt downs harder...... Her sister takes this opportunity to tell me how mean I am because I wont give her "Frozen Elsa hair" and because to white and kick and fuss. This is where mommy looses her shit and has her own tantrum. "COME ONE GUYS YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE! GET IT TOGETHER! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS TODAY OF ALL DAYS?!" This never works as you know so know they are crying louder and harder and the baby is crying so hard at this point there is snot coming out of her knows like a waterfall. In my proudest mommy moment i pick BN and I take her to the room and lay her down "WHEN YOU ARE DONE YOU CAN COME BACK! lay down relax" nope pissed her off even more and then she follows me back down the hall to scream louder and show me how well my idea to "rest" worked out. I proceed to do RN's hair who is still upset about the stupid Frozen hair. "WHY ARE YOU STILL CRYING OVER HAIR??" I brush her hair and braid her pig-tails and just sit on the tub and look at my two kids who are crying over God knows what at this point. I just look...wasting more time making us more late but I have no clue what to do. I yelled at them, I blamed them for us being late, I punished them for demonstrating feelings that they have no control over, but most importantly I lost my shit and lashed out on them verses helping them work through their emotions. The do not know how to handle their emotions because I do not even know how to handle my emotions... I freaking yelled at them.... several times! Some control mom!
I spent the entire day at work sad because I lost my shit. Even though I apologized to them both and they to me I still felt bad. I fell bad because I yelled I feel bad because I was not a good example I feel bad because clearly I am reflecting poorly on them. To most parents this is no big deal but this is a big deal to me because I vowed to be kinder, I vowed to listen, I vowed to be nice, to my children when they were born. I vowed to do better for them, I vowed to no treat them like I was treated by my parents and look at me..... I am no better and doing exactly what I said I would not.
I get home from work.... RN is in the middle of a current meltdown. She wanted cereal for an afternoon snack BUT she went to sleep and woke up at 5pm. The issue here is that dinner is at 530p-6pm. I can feel my stress threshold rise again and I want to scream because I left to work from this and here I am again in the middle of it. My lovely husband did what he could but I can see his frustration and I try to do my best.... Which sucked this morning. I put my stuff away and sat on the couch. BN crawled in my lap... she who got the grunt of my frustration and lashing this AM was excited to see me home... the only one. She crawled in my lap and signed for "Milk" and made her attempt at saying the word. I latched her and called RN over and she sat in my lap and laid her head on the unoccupied boob. I rubbed her head she settled down and said "Today was a bad day mama...but tomorrow is a new day" (this is what we say when we are not having a good day)
I jumped into the shower very quickly. So quickly it was still warming up while I was lathering up (the worst!). I jump out, wrap the towel around me, and went back into the bedroom to wake up RN. She of course starts to whine and fuss. I encourage her to get up and go potty then go downstairs so I can make her breakfast. Once that task was done I run up to throw clothes on myself and then to wake up BN. Now about a few weeks before BN decided she wanted to start potty learning but I have not had a weekend to sit and dedicate to her newest milestone so when we are at home we let her go with out bottoms and she tells us when she needs to poop and pee. We also sit her on the pot as soon as she wakes up and before she goes to sleep at night. This morning nothing different I woke her up took her pants and diaper off asked her if she wanted to "put pees in the toilet" she smiled and said "yesh" and away we went. I sat her on the pot and instantly she peed. She smiled so big she is always so proud of herself and I am so proud of her. She is a smart cookie. I asked her via sign language if she is "all done" and she says "yesh". I go to grab her and she grabs the toilet seat for dear life and refuses to get up. I asked her again if she was done (including words with the sign) and she said "yesh". I go to grab her... same thing! I'm frustrated because we are completely behind schedule so I back off, I push her stool under her feet in case she feels she's actually done when before I come back and I travel down to check on RN.
She is eating cereal, doing an activity on the iPad, and humming a song. I ask her how she is if she needed anything else. She replies "no" with out looking up. I give her the countdown to be done and head back up the stairs. BN is still on the pot kicking her feet talking to the dog who looks just as frustrated with her being on the pot still as I am. "Okay ma'am you have to be done. We have to get dressed. You can not sit here all day. You're going to get hemorrhoids." I reach to grab her this time I make sure I get her hands before she can latch on to the toilet then I pick her up kicking and screaming and hitting and maybe an attempt to bite. In the most calm voice I can muster "Please calm down I understand you're upset but you must get dressed we have to go mommy has to work". while wrestling with BN I yell down to RN to be done put away her dishes and come upstairs to get dressed. No response, of course. I pick up BN (who has calmed down by now) and travel down the stairs to see RN took 2 bites of cereal and ate no fruit just sitting down tending to her game. "You need to come upstairs and get dressed now!" "But I am not done..." "I understand but you had 30 minutes and all you did was mess around we need to go now" (insert tears here). I wish I could give her more time to eat but we just do not have that kind of time in the AM.
So, of course I have to sit down BN to help get RN dressed (insert tantrum here). Now I have two malfunctioning kids. By now I can feel me getting to my meltdown threshold. I try to breathe through it with out saying any words but I am still getting frustrated. We are late.... we are crying because we cant sit on toilets until our butts fall off and because we chose to play instead of it.....**sigh**
we move on to the bathroom where as in my head all hell breaks loose. RN has stopped whining and goes to brush her teeth. BN is happy as long as she is on my hip. I sit her on the counter top allow her to nurse while I brush my teeth and make sure RN does a good job at brushing her teeth. Once RN is down I tell her to sit on the toilet so I can fix her hair for school "Can I have my hair like Frozen? Like the braid?" "I do not know how to do that and I do not have time to look up how to do it and practice it. I just can not do that right now" (insert whine) "I am sorry honey I just can not right now". I place BN on the floor " Can you stand here really quickly while I get sister's hair together?" Nope (insert meltdown here) I try to pick her up and she does that thing that all toddlers know how to do when they become dead weight and just melt between your arms so they are hard to hold on to no matter how hard you try. I place her back on the floor and she melt downs harder...... Her sister takes this opportunity to tell me how mean I am because I wont give her "Frozen Elsa hair" and because to white and kick and fuss. This is where mommy looses her shit and has her own tantrum. "COME ONE GUYS YOU ARE KILLING ME HERE! GET IT TOGETHER! WHY ARE YOU ACTING LIKE THIS TODAY OF ALL DAYS?!" This never works as you know so know they are crying louder and harder and the baby is crying so hard at this point there is snot coming out of her knows like a waterfall. In my proudest mommy moment i pick BN and I take her to the room and lay her down "WHEN YOU ARE DONE YOU CAN COME BACK! lay down relax" nope pissed her off even more and then she follows me back down the hall to scream louder and show me how well my idea to "rest" worked out. I proceed to do RN's hair who is still upset about the stupid Frozen hair. "WHY ARE YOU STILL CRYING OVER HAIR??" I brush her hair and braid her pig-tails and just sit on the tub and look at my two kids who are crying over God knows what at this point. I just look...wasting more time making us more late but I have no clue what to do. I yelled at them, I blamed them for us being late, I punished them for demonstrating feelings that they have no control over, but most importantly I lost my shit and lashed out on them verses helping them work through their emotions. The do not know how to handle their emotions because I do not even know how to handle my emotions... I freaking yelled at them.... several times! Some control mom!
I spent the entire day at work sad because I lost my shit. Even though I apologized to them both and they to me I still felt bad. I fell bad because I yelled I feel bad because I was not a good example I feel bad because clearly I am reflecting poorly on them. To most parents this is no big deal but this is a big deal to me because I vowed to be kinder, I vowed to listen, I vowed to be nice, to my children when they were born. I vowed to do better for them, I vowed to no treat them like I was treated by my parents and look at me..... I am no better and doing exactly what I said I would not.
I get home from work.... RN is in the middle of a current meltdown. She wanted cereal for an afternoon snack BUT she went to sleep and woke up at 5pm. The issue here is that dinner is at 530p-6pm. I can feel my stress threshold rise again and I want to scream because I left to work from this and here I am again in the middle of it. My lovely husband did what he could but I can see his frustration and I try to do my best.... Which sucked this morning. I put my stuff away and sat on the couch. BN crawled in my lap... she who got the grunt of my frustration and lashing this AM was excited to see me home... the only one. She crawled in my lap and signed for "Milk" and made her attempt at saying the word. I latched her and called RN over and she sat in my lap and laid her head on the unoccupied boob. I rubbed her head she settled down and said "Today was a bad day mama...but tomorrow is a new day" (this is what we say when we are not having a good day)
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